Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Today, October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

For those of us who have be through these losses first hand, we do not need a special day on the calendar to remember our babies, we think of them everyday.

But I wanted to take today to share my story.

On December 1, 2009 I suffered a miscarriage at 11 weeks 4 days pregnant, that resulted in me having to have a D&C.

It was one of the worst experiences in my life.  It hurt so bad physically and emotionally and it broke my heart and left me constantly asking, why.

Why did I lose my baby?

Why didn't my sweet baby get the chance to live life?

Why did this happen just days before being in the "safe" zone?

Why me, what did I do to deserve this?

Why had my body failed me?

I felt so alone.

Although my sweet husband never left my side and was more than amazing and I knew his heart was broken too, I still felt at times that I was going through it all by myself.

It was not until friends found out what I was going through that people began to come out and share their stories too.  I had no clue that so many had gone through the same thing as I had.  It was so nice to find people to talk to that could actually relate to what I was feeling.

Miscarriages are so common, yet so taboo.

Its almost as if its this secret society and you never know about it until you can become a member.

I feel as though some people do not justify it as a loss because you have never actually held your baby, but that could not be further from the truth.  I have loved both of my babies from the moment I saw the tiny flicker of their hearts beating.

I spent so long asking why, but always trusting in God that it was all apart of his bigger plan.

A few months after our loss we found out we were expecting again.

On December 1, 2010 I gave birth to me sweet baby boy!

One year to the day later.

See God did have a plan for us.  Without our suffering we would never have had our sweet boy!

Take a moment and pray for those who has suffered the loss of an infant or pregnancy.